The Great Common Man Circus

The Great Common Man Circus

2012 has been an eventful year for India; suddenly India seems to have found its mojo as far as citizen participation is considered. Suddenly we have turned from a “chalta hai”nation to a “kyun”nation. It’s a healthy trend no doubt that citizens are today more involved and concerned about the country, what is appalling is that this has opened flood gates for self-styled & proclaimed messiahs of the common man. Never has India post-independence saw so many self-proclaimed voice of the people NETAS spring out like wild mushrooms in every corner of the country. So in addition to politicians who have been telling us what to do for decades; we now have “voice of people” leaders who are busy telling us why we shouldn’t be listening to the politician anymore.

India runs on jugaad is a popular jargon you get to hear in almost all the expatriate get togethers,  So what is this new jugaad of “voice of people”?? Let’s try and understand this on a opportunity analysis. So what would you need if today you decide to become a politician of repute in India?? I have listed down the minimum requirements as far as I understand as follows:-

·         Political Lineage :- Now let’s be honest if you have a father, mother, brother, sister, anybody who is in politics, then it becomes a natural progression for you, like a doctor’s kids become doctors, an actor’s kids become actors So a politicians family joins politics. And in case you have a famous surname you can still rule the country without getting into politics. So all those whose family is in politics and so would you but since you are reading this I assume you don’t so read on….
·         Huge amounts of money: - If you are loaded with money, have shady politicians on the board of directors of equally shady companies and a lot of disposable cash, you make the next logical move to move to the other side of the fence; so instead of greasing the politician to land the next tender you become the one to grant the tenders to your own companies off course. You can take a “Not Applicable” approach to this requirement if you are a TATA, RELIANCE or BIRLA coz then you get to direct the decision makers on what policies would you need in lieu of a fat donation off course and you don’t even have to get your hands dirty in day to day politics of it, can be equated to outsourcing for better understanding. Probably you are also not from this bracket; if you were you wouldn’t have needed a “how to” from me so read on…
·         Huge Fan Following: - This is even rare you need to be either a film star* Now any film star won’t do it needs to be from the south and it needs to be big (read: Rajnikanth, Kamal Hassan, Mohan Lal, Chiranjeevi); Hindi film industry is far more widespread to have a following at par with regional cinema with absence of any actor/star accepted widely. So if you are not as famous (accept it) and are not even sure of the people living in your apartment recognizing you then you won’t qualify so if you don’t then read on…
·         Retired bureaucrat:- This is more of a retirement benefit to thank you for the favours you doled out to the Govt when in power, you get trained by first getting nominated to the lower house and once you have learnt the ropes you graduate into the upper house and ministerial cabins, yes the same ones in front of which you stood hat in hand a few years back and if you are tired of doing anything responsible then you just have to ask and get paid holidays stints as ambassadors to countries around the world
 
Now that majority of us don’t fulfil any of the above given pre-requisites the only other option left is to appoint yourself as the self-proclaimed messiah of the people of this country, how do you do that??? Well for the good of the society and personal ambitions as a whole yours truly has charted out “JUGAADS” for you to get their quickly. All you have to do is choose one of the following:-
 
·         Religious / Pseudo Religious Icon :-  Start a religious reinterpretation, disappear for some time and then re-appear with claims that one among the many gods has rested the hope of saving this world on your shoulders and you are willing to share the responsibility with everyone who chooses to align with you, get a large enough following to become a game changer & then graduate to become a politician on your own
·         RTI activist/ NGO :- Govt has given this platform to aspirants to raise a storm against anybody under the sun and use the opportunity to take credit for the down fall of an established player, bigger the player bigger the platform and mind you the seed investment is  Re. 10/- only, drawback is that  there are real market risks involved and you have to be careful not to get sucked into the petty game of blackmailing, keep that art for bigger occasions for now you atleast need to act honest and follow up each RTI application worth its salt. NGO is another option the only hitch being you need funds to survive so you need to choose a side either with the Govt or against it, the biggest drawback being you never become a stand-alone entity you always will need the crutches of the mother ship to stand, but suits you in case you have a more rigid line of thought as far as your political affiliations are concerned.

So what if you are not even good enough to manage one of the above well then the easiest way to get there is to become the self-appointed “GYAANI” on all the issues, you need to have a “VIEW” on everything and jump right in at the mere smell of an issue create a hue & cry show the world (read: News Channels) how hurt you are about the state of citizens of this country. So broadly the dos & don’ts towards becoming a common man’s NETA are as follows:-

·         It’s all about being seen, the more eyeballs you gather is directly proportional to the seriousness with which the Govt takes you
·         Throw allegations, don’t worry you don’t have to prove it, just get a story which will stand the prima facia scrutiny and then disappear or rather move to the next allegation
·         Get a freedom fighter/ journalist/lawyer just anybody with a little reputation on your side to provide you more credibility
·         Create ruckus the moment somebody points fingers at you, claim the entire political class is planning to bring you down, create a conspiracy theory even if the postman rings your door bell twice instead of once as he/she usually does.
·         Blame everybody; do not take sides the ruling class should be the primary target but also keep a foot on the opposition, after all you are out there to create space and that would come only if you push both sides a little
·         Use the social media, sms polls, emailers and all modes of communication that the traditional politicos are not so smart about
·         Challenge for public debates, though you may not have anything substantial to say but still it takes you a notch higher from small netas to national neta when you debate with a bigger neta.
·         Hijack, Gatecrash, Associate yourself with any protest under the sun, you should be the poster boy of protests in this country. Remember issues are secondary what is important is that you = protest
·         Hire a photographer, get clicked only when police is dragging/ pulling/hitting you to create the sacrificial image for the country men

Adhere to this and bingo you suddenly can claim to represent the civil society. Remember the mantra is to criticize the system, make heroes out of outlaws like Maoists and unlimited supply of placards and lots of free time to jump into any protest right from garbage clearance to corruption.

Now on a serious note, how long will this continue, well this works on the primary funda “make hay when the sun shines” sooner or later people of this country will see through your antics and will realize your true ambitions, I really don’t want to predict what will happen on that day. Also this post is in no way endorsement for any political party, neither does it claim that citizen movements are farce, the point I want to make is that with so much confusion around a few people in the name of citizen messiahs shouldn’t use the opportunity to reach the same place, the cleaning of which we intended to do in the first place. Till then just enjoy the great Common Man Circus